Update on THE SCRUB. A YA novel set in Green Bay.

Author's note: Six months ago, before I decided upon a publisher, I submitted my new novel THE SCRUB for editorial analysis at Kirkus Reviews. Let it be known that the following is not the actual published review, but merely the literary conclusions by one of Kirkus' senior editors.

I should add here that I don't consider publishing this review as in need of a "spoiler alert!" It simply supplies a summation of the writing style and a few major plot points, i.e. what the story is about. It's not anything a reader wouldn't be able to discern by reading the back cover text on the novel.

However, to those who don't want to know too much before reading a story, then please stop here!

For the rest of you choosing to read on, needless to say, I was quite pleased with the editor's assessment.

KIRKUS EDITORIALS

  

Title: The Scrub

Author: Janson Mancheski

References: The Chicago Manual of Style 16th Edition and Merriam Webster Collegiate Dictionary 11th Edition.

I was enormously impressed with this. It’s a masterful job in virtually every respect. The novel is skillfully plotted, the characters have real depth, and the ambience is amazingly authentic. The story is continuously suspenseful, but it also packs a powerful emotional punch.  

The manuscript is also quite polished. My edits are minimal. Beyond catching the occasional typo and missing word, and supplying some missing commas, I’ve suggested some small cuts, fiddled with some punctuation issues, and raised a few minor plot points.  

Structure and Pacing:

The plot structure looks flawless. The narrative builds steadily as we follow young football QB Janus Mann through an emotionally turbulent few weeks in the fall of his senior year at Green Bay’s East High, with all events leading up to the great moment of truth at the end—the team’s big game against what looks to be an unbeatable rival. You narrate that game with great skill. It had me on the edge of my seat, and I can only assume it will have that effect on any reader. 

The subplots are beautifully woven into the overall narrative fabric and skillfully resolved. They include Janus’s complicated relationships with: his girlfriend Asha and her alcoholic has-been of a father, Sam; his short-tempered coach, Ray Grayna; his best friend, Barnaby Grayna, who suffers from ALS; his nemesis, Kroll the Troll; and his widowed mom. And finally, of course, there’s his relationship with the ghost of the founder of the Green Bay Packers, Curly Lambeau. And this last relationship is inspired! It adds a genuinely magical dimension to the story.

A few minor points: 

Characterization:

All the characters are strong, without exception. I have nothing to suggest here beyond the comments made above.

Dialogue:

Your dialogue is absolutely first-rate. You have an exceptional ear for it. You give every major character his or her own distinct voice, and that goes a long way in adding depth and dimension to their personalities. You also do amazingly well capturing the personality and thinking processes of your seventeen-year-old protagonist, Janus, in his first-person narration. We were all young once, I guess, but you really manage to bring Janus alive on the page with an authenticity that is rare in any novel, YA or what have you. 

Grammar and Style:

Your narrative style works well. Janus’s voice, with all its teenage angst, eagerness, playfulness, uncertainty, naiveté, rebelliousness, and sense of mischief, comes through vividly. The narration brilliantly reflects the teenage mind at work, by turns informal, emotional, thoughtful, joyful, sad, uncertain, disjointed, hyperbolic, self-deprecatory, and boastful. So there are many sentence fragments, and thoughts or feelings expressed in a sometimes-cryptic shorthand, with words left out. I have done my best to preserve this style, because it works, but I have also reworked the text in places where some needed linkages or rearrangements were needed for clarity or to avoid awkwardness. 

I really enjoyed working on this, and I wish you great success with it. There is certainly a readership out there for it. 

I look forward to our phone consultation.

Best,

Tom, Editor